Ever find yourself in competition with an old version of you, one that you’re trying to grow beyond because it’s in your best interest to do so, but it seems the world around you isn’t quite ready for the change—or even set against it?
Frustrating, isn’t it? And kind of scary when you are crawling out from a dark place, and your eyes haven’t adjusted to what the light-of-possibility has to offer you. There’s a lot of trial and error involved in any attempt to embrace a new life while moving on from an old you. Particularly if those around you react as if you belong to them, because of the role you play in their life.
Since I lost Ray and my breast to cancer, I have been vigilant in shaking loose from the bad stories that surface, in finding ways the present-me can thrive and coexist in peace with the past-me while she transitions through the sense of loss she feels some days.
A Glitchy Leap of Faith is Better than No Leap at All.
When the bots booted me out of Bernadette’s Musings from the Messy Room, (Bots. Bandwidth. Blah-Blah-Blah…) I chose to embrace the blank canvas forced upon me, and set about the business of creating a new home for the “next chapter Bernadette.” (About Now)
A few days ago, I decided to see how the new site was doing in the search engines. I typed in Bernadette’s Messy Musings, the present me, and Google showed Bernadette’s Musings from the Messy Room, the past me. So, I typed in Bernadette’s Messy Musings WordPress, and still got Bernadette’s Musings from the Messy Room. I typed in my name; pages and pages from the Messy Room stared back at me.
My first reaction was an expletive that started with the sixth letter in the alphabet—until I saw the metaphor.
Google is not only rendering the present me invisible but, in essence, has me competing with a past version of myself. (The past-me is doing a dang good job, by the way. She has a long history on the Internet, as does the Bernadette who walks the world.)
This poses a curious challenge as I put the finishing touches on what this next chapter surprised me with—my first novel, a fantasy fiction entitled The Luminous Slide. I have my ISBN and my Library of Congress Catalog Number, but not a findable website, it seems. I can’t launch The Luminous Slide on my past platform because the bots booted me out of that site, leaving me to launch it on a present platform that is still invisible to Google. Being that my novel is about invisible realms, I have to laugh a bit. Life is rich with irony.
I hear my angels—and Ray—chuckling. The shift is happening. I’m having fun with The Luminous Slide. I’m too far in to back out now. If I am alone for a while, wandering in territory uncharted by Google, then so be it.
Google is a massive search engine—not unlike our minds. It’s a wonderful tool, designed to assist the present while drawing from past resources—not unlike our minds. But, like the world around us, Google’s focus is one that relies on sharing “memory.” If it’s on Google, it is already old news. Google cannot authenticate the present—or should I say, a present shift. This is where Google and our minds part ways. Our mind does not have to rely only on the past to move toward our future. That’s the default setting the world offers.
Here’s a question for you. When you feel a need to make a shift, what search engine are you using to support that happening? The world’s? A loved one’s? Are you competing with the past—or a past you?
Dear One, don’t Google yourself. Not while looking in the mirror, or on some social media site, or anywhere. Don’t use the past to authenticate the value of where you are heading. Present-you shifts herald from realms invisible to the eye, measurable only by the heart. Trust that.
Google glitches or not, I’m all in because I am relying on a divine search engine. The same one that gave me The Luminous Slide. Care to join me? XO Bernadette
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